"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Marilyn Monroe

low cal meals

Thursday, November 4, 2010

second post of the day

god that sad.i feel like this makes me a total loser. i mean really two post! but the last one wasnt a real post so i guess i dont need to count it.

anywho. so i weighed in last night, and it was nerve racking. but the results wear good(not for me). i ended up sewing in two rods equaling one pound and guzzled down 3 bottles of water, by the way doing this is very unpleasant. but the scale said 103. success! my parents now believe i am "getting healthy" ha! i laugh at you for being so fullish(again). i would like to point out this isn't my first time going through this so called treatment. you'd think my parents would have figured out that force feeding me isnt going to fix anything. silly silly old people,  ok they arent that old but still. After everyone went to bed i got my very accurate very expensive scale out(hiding in the garage) and weighed my self in the nude. 100.4. can you say yuk. but i will cope at least until the attention is taken off me. i give it 3 months, then either my parents will stop being so persistent or my brother wil do something stupid to grab thier attention. so do you want to know how dirty i am? how naughty and disgusting? 

intake for this sad sorry November day:

B: top ramen noodles(380)
L: ha i got away with not eating it!!!!
D: plain burger(440) with onion rings(740)
total cal: 1,120

so first off i got away with no lunch because cow had gone missing for like a week then like around 12ish she showed up by crashing into my bedroom window! so we wear all excited and distracted. thank you cow! and horay! i got a few cals under what i was supposed to eat. sadly it still about 1,000 cals over what i would have liked to eat.  i snuk in an extra 15 minutes of exercise, i lied to my dad and said the puppy got away from me and i had to chase him down(i'm a filthy liar) and yet i didnt feel at all guilty about it. i got a 30 minute run in today + i did silent workouts in my room this afternoon. i feel good...ish. i still ate like a fucking pig! 

tomorrow is family therapy. i am soo not looking forward to it. 30 minutes of awkwardness and lies. not what i would like to do with y Friday. not that i actually have anything to do but still, i would have found something to do if it meant i could get out of this family therapy thing. i think i mite take a few extra antidepressants. maybe i can drift through it on a drug induced cloud. that would be a lot easier than trying to do it sober. ahh if only y parents new that making me healthy was actually making me turn to drugs(again) for support to deal with them(and everyone ells)  do you think they will notice? did they notice when i was a junky last time ? no. so i'm guessing unless i puke up on sunday morning pancakes(again) they wont notice. 

they say a person never changes. in my case it seems to be true. last time i went through this hell i did the same things i'doing now. and last timmy parents wear clueless, and they defanintly havent changed. 

well i guess its off to do god knows what with my gobs of useless  time. i really need a hobby or something.

lots of love S xoxo

p.s i love you lovely lady's your comments really keep me going.

p.p.s here is some pictures of the two trouble makers(btw the puppy became depressed when cow disappeared)  my best friend has them in my bag!  i love her with all my heart but she looks a little fat in these photos. and do you see those big puking things, ya cow hides in those.

the pup is being festively chipper in his winter apparel ^.^   p.p.p.s my house looks seriously messy!


  1. hahah success!! go those rods :)

  2. Aww, haha, those photos are adorable!!
    What you're going through sounds really tough; just keeping up the lies and having even more of a double life than usual. You're doing great though, and you're such an inspiration. (:

  3. Your pets are too cute!
    I can’t believe how well they seem to get along, I guess all dongs don’t hate all cats? Lol
    Thanks for the comment, again, I seriously consider slapping him sometimes, but I can’t afford to lose a job with so much tuition to pay for… If I don’t go to the lake today I plan on job searching with a friend or too… we all hate our jobs!
    Good luck with the family therapy, I’ve had to do that too for my alcohol abuse… everything was a lie at those things, I seriously convinced my counselor and my parents I wasn’t an alcoholic, even though I for sure was.. I wonder if they know how many people (teens mostly) like to them because I know a handful of friends who lie about everything too.
    So let me get this straight? Your parents aren’t putting you in treatment they’re trying to treat you themselves? And they weigh you at home to check on your progress?
    Think thin and don't worry too much about the 1100 cals, it couldve been a lot worse hon!
    XX Sarah

  4. Stay strong dear, I know you can get through this <3
    And your pets are adorable!

  5. Way-hey, faking three and a half pounds is pretty epic! Keep pushing the water stuff - even if it's disgusting it'll help you.

    And hey, I would /kill/ to be the weight you are now. It's my UGW. 100lbs. Omnomnom.

    But yeah, try not to worry too much about the intake. It's still low, just not by your standards, 'kay?

    Love you <3

  6. third up from the bottom = most adorable thing I've ever seen!
    Sarah has a point, at least your not in a hospital treatment, there is no WAY you'd have as much luck tricking them. Keep up your lies lovely, its hard but worth it to be skinny, don't ya think?

  7. Lmao... no offense but I thought that was you in the pics and was like uhhh 103 pounds? lol

    Im sure YOU look amazing :)

    Cute animals :)

  8. those pets are super cute. first, i missed you tremendously. second, 100.4 is pretty fucking impressive for someone who is being force-fed. i'm sorry they're doing that to you. but seriously, your strength is amazing. you've got this. here's to hoping in an oh-so-morbid way that your brother screws up enough for you to catch a break. all my love to you&stay strong, babygirl.