"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Marilyn Monroe

low cal meals

Friday, November 12, 2010

tea party!

The tea party is tonight! do what you need to do and join us or forever regret missing it!


in other news. i have been lying by not telling. ok not really but i have been posting about things that have nothing to do with weight loss. why you ask? because the fact that my life is just a never ending circle of eat lie weigh puke eat lie weigh puke, kills me inside. i am at the peek of my young life i should be out partying laughing and loving life. i'm not. i am a fat bloated lie of a teenage girl. i am depressed no manic no cry for attention no a liar. i am another hour for dr. pleasure to have to listen to lie. i am 1,500 calories three deferent therapy's 100 deferent lies and weigh ins ever wednesday. 

last time i weighed in i didnt even tell you. why? because i cried when i saw the number. 105. i'm getting fatter, and its breaking my heart. my real weight is 103.08. still disgusting. i dont want to be fat again. it took me years of pain and lies and lost friendships to get this skinny. if i get fat i'll have nothing. i'll be fat ugly little girl with no friends and no hobbys. i wont be anything good. I am the skinny girl. and it scars me to think what i would be with out it.

i cried four time this week. 

i feel weird about saying this. i used to never cry. my family doesnt cry. 

i should be doing homework. i have a huge essay do monday(a day after my birthday). i only have one paragraph done. and i feel like cry because i know if i dont get it done i'll look like a failure to every one at the school. last year my teacher always told me i was her favorite student, i got treated special. this year she tolerates me, i can see in her eyes i am a disappointment. i am disgusting. 


B: tea(0) the rest was fed to the puppy
L squash soup(400) 

they days not over yet. 

i hope to see you all at tea tonight.



  1. Wow, I am so, so sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. Hopefully after tonight you'll be feeling better. (:
    Please don't lose hope. Even if your real weight was 105, that's still nowhere close to fat, but it's understandable to be scared. Please know that we're here for you. Always. (:

  2. I'm sorry you're not feeling so great, and I hope it gets better very soon. I still think you're tiny=] I can't wait for the tea party tonight=]

  3. =( *hugs*

    Much love, girly!


  4. Aww, hun ]= You're beautiful. Three, four pounds probably feels like a nightmare but you. Are. Beautiful. Inside and out. And skinny. Really skinny. Teeny-tiny skinny. And I love you to bits <3

    I wish I could say something to help you ]= I guess we'll just have to do our best to make you feel better tonight, eh?

    Love you <3