"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Marilyn Monroe

low cal meals

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


i havent been on in ages i miss all you girls so much! and i've been thinking of you guys every day. so do you want to now what has happened sense i last posted?

1. got so sick i was actually puking up blood

2. my parents took me to the hospital

3. Oh my god! i was 97.6 pounds!!!!!!!!!!(i was silently cheering!!)

4. i was stuffed full of drugs and fat.

5 i weighed 100 pounds and was let out of the hospital

6 i went to a two week treatment( how could two weeks ever help someone)

7 i got out of hell and entered hell at home

i now have meal plans, i get weighed everyday and once again, my life has been taken out of my hands. Some old man who calls him self an expert is in control of everything i do. the few friends i still had, have stopped talking to me. at this moment i can truthfully only count one friend. i am so drugged i cant find the motivation to do anything. it has taken me three days to finally type this.

i am taking

zoloft (2x)

ya its a  lot and they make me into a zombie. on top of the meds i have to go two a nutritionist 2 times a week, and a therapist 3 time a week, family therapy once a week, and group therapy once every other week. Everyone is telling me i shouldn't blog or read blogs anymore, but seriously blogger is the only thing keeping me alive right now.
 so guess how much cals i have to eat every day. 1,500!!! ya i know its disgusting, also i can only go to the gym once a week for 1 hour!!!! that is so not healthy. and i can only take my dog on a 15 minute walk!
 to say i want to go to sleep and not wake up(i dont want you guys to think i'm suicidle so i wont say die) is an understaiten. i feel like i'm in prison. oh and i forgot i have to be up to 105 pounds in 3 wees or my parents are guna lock me up for 90 days!
 so i should be disgustingly fat by my birthday, wich is in 12 days. all i want is to be alowed to eat under 300 cals. but instead of preasents i get to be fat and make up all my missed school work. fun.

love you girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
xoxo S


  1. oh darling i feel for you. i was wondering why you werent popping up on my updates list. i know this is going to sound awful but... maybe this is for the best. i mean puking blood isnt exactly the greatest thing going round. man i rekon all the cool people are having birthdays in the next few weeks. i swear half the people in my blog list have bdays this month.
    you stay safe xo

  2. I love how they think that treatment has to include control over everything....isnt that just going to make it worse sense you feel such a loss od control? Whatever.... You just hope you make it through this alive girly!! It sounds rough but you can do it :) just stay strong!! Love lilah

  3. i'm so sorry about all of this....it all sounds a bit horrible. but you're a strong girl and you'll come out the other side. we're here for you

  4. Eat protine and work out (like sit ups, pushups, leg lifts in your room) so all the weight is muscle, you'll look much better and muscle weight is so much easier to get rid of than fat weight. *hug* Stay strong sweetie, you'll have to be stronger than ever to come out of this one.

  5. Oh no, sweetie, I was already wondering what you were doing these days. But that sounds horrible.
    I really wish you all the best, you can do that.
    Just stay strong and remember that you can get out of this.
    Wish you all my love and everything positive,

  6. Omg <3 Oh you poor thing ]= I was wondering about you, actually, I was gonna leave a wee comment if you hadn't appeared in a few days...

    But yeah, Starving Artist has it right on - build some muscle and it'll help a lot.

    I don't know what else to say... =\

    ]= -hugs tight-