"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Marilyn Monroe

low cal meals

Sunday, September 19, 2010

its wet

its raining today. really heavy loud rain. the first real rain of the year. my dad thinks its gonna floods this year. i hope it does i love it when it floods. heres my home town when it floods

i've decided the reason i'm so heavy is because its that time of the month. today i weigh 102....i hate when i flip flop like this. oh well. i smashed my finger in the car door today...it hurts really bad, it was all bloody, and now its swollen. but on the bright side i slept for 5 hours last night!!! i feel great.

i found one of my old food journals. it was weird reading the changes.
the first entry was July 5th '08: B green tea(5), L 2 strawberries(8), D 2 diet pills and a smoke (13cal)
that was rite before i went into treatment. then the last entry was January 3rd '09: B 2 scrambled eggs(140) two pieces of toast about (200) w/ butter=(340) L: 2 cups of white rice(320) a banana(100)=(420) D: steak(650) 1 cup mashed potatoes(250) about 2 cups of broccoli(100)=1000 total 1360

so i went from 13 calories in a day to over 1,000 in 6 months! that can not be good for my body. no wonder i gained like 40 pounds! and now i' back to under 200 a day... my body must be so messed up.


  1. its so pretty when it floods! and yeah it must be so weird reading over all the old entries in the journal
    and a 5 hour snooze? hello, minimum of 8 hours is recoomended! :P sleep more!


  2. ouch your poor finger must kill! i love looking pack and seeing how much i've changed..hopefully in a few months i can look back at today and be like "ugh i was so FAT then" :-) stay strong lovely xx

  3. That finger must have hurt. I am a firm believer in throwing the scales out the window. Change is always a bit tricky, but it is the only way to grow. To grow in your heart,to grow in your smile,to grow into your body. cheers Marie

  4. thanks for the comments loves!

  5. I love how the atmosphere changes at night time when there's loud and heavy rain on the roof of your house. I love how easily I sleep when it rains and thunder crashes above me. Maybe that's the secret to a full night's rest - I need a wave noise maker or something. Hahaha.

    I love looking through old journals, and sometimes I hate it. I hope your fingers heal fast, beautiful girl! <3